• Allison McMillian

Time traveler makes $850 million

On Jan. 28, 2003, Federal investigators arrested a man who they believed was an inside trader. 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin claimed to be from the year 2256, according to Educate-Yourself.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck."

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

Over the next year, stock market prices dropped, but when Carlssin made 126 high-stake risks and profited from them all, it made the watchdogs of Wall Street interested.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," said the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When the investigators brought him in for a confession, he gladly gave a four-hour-long one. Carlssin said he came from 200 years in the future when it was common knowledge that the stock market had plunged many years earlier.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

For some sort of evidence, he even offered them the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wanted was to return to the future. He refused to tell the investigators where the travel machine was or how it works because it could fall into the wrong hands. Officials did not believe his confession, but "no one could find a record of any Andrew Carlssin until December 2002," which seemed to support his explanation that he had come from the future.

According to a YouTube video, Carlssin disappeared after a mysterious person paid his million dollar bail. He didn't even make it to the bail hearing.

Doesn't it seem more bizarre than true? Well, it most definitely is. This is a reminder to always check the sources of a story. Happy April Fools form the Red and Black!